How to be a Supportive Parent to a Child in Competitive Sports
The importance of parental support for a child playing competitive sports
Parental support is so important to a child’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Time after time, school teachers report better outcomes for those pupils who have higher levels of parental engagement- not just academically, but socially and psychologically.
For children who take part in competitive sports, support from parents is even more important. Balancing training with schoolwork, dealing with winning and losing, and persevering when things are tough might be good life lessons for children, but they can be difficult to learn; children can undoubtedly grasp these lessons more easily when they know they have supportive adults beside them.
Most people are familiar with the stereotype of the ‘pushy parent’ in sports- one who is desperate for their child to succeed, perhaps against the desires of the child themselves. Maybe you’ve even come across one or two yourselves during your own child’s time in sport.
So how can parents ensure that they guide and support their children through their sporting journey, in a positive way? Listed below are some of my suggestions:
Be their parent, not their coach
Make sure that there’s a clear distinction between training time on the pitch or in the gym and relaxation time at home. As parents, we want the best for our children, and it can be upsetting to see them not putting in their best effort in a training session, or suddenly struggling with something they usually find easy.
But berating them for it afterwards simply won’t be helpful, and may even put them off training in the future. Equally, don’t try to offer well-meaning suggestions for ways you think they could improve their performance. Let the coaches coach, and you focus on supporting as a parent.
15 Lessons sports teach Children
Support them in their setbacks as well as their successes
Children who spend a lot of time participating in a sport often have quite a lot of experience of success. However, they will also experience failure- and this is not necessarily a bad thing! It teaches them that no one can win all the time, and encourages the development of good sportsmanship towards their teammates and competitors. These are good skills to have in life, as well as in sport.
However, failure can, of course, be very upsetting. This is the time when it’s really important to support your child and help them to accept their disappointment. Whilst we, as adults, can understand that being passed over for a place on the team, or getting a poor competition result, is not the end of the world, that can certainly be what it feels like to a child.
Show them that their attitude is more important than the actual result, and of course, reinforce to them that you still think they are wonderful, whatever the results.
Don’t correct their coach
You might not always agree with the decisions your child’s coach makes, or perhaps you sometimes feel that they are not pushing your child enough to improve as quickly as you think they are able to. But always remember, the qualified, experienced coaches who work with your child will have many years of sport-specific knowledge behind them, and specialist contacts within the sport that they may call on if they need extra expertise in a particular area.
Don’t undermine what your child’s coach has said, or offer suggestions on things you think could be done better. This challenges their professionalism in your child’s eyes and may end up with your child no longer respecting their coach. Mutual respect between coach and athlete is so important in high-level sports, whatever the age of the athlete.
With that being said, if you ever feel that there is a more serious issue that needs to be discussed regarding a coach, don’t be afraid to bring it up within your club.
Motivating Children when playing sports
Be their voice
In the same vein, if something is bothering you or your child regarding their sporting activity, don’t ignore the problem. Whether it be an issue with a coach or others in the club, a minor injury that is causing trouble, or something else that’s been upsetting them at home, speak up immediately.
It may well be something that is actually solved quite easily, but your child relies on you to make sure that they are safe, so you should always try to nip any issues in the bud as quickly as possible.
Keep it fun
Above all else, make sure that your child’s sport is a source of enjoyment to them. Of course, there may be times when they are finding a new skill difficult, or would rather stay at home in front of the TV than go out to training; but in general, participating in their sport should bring them joy.
Although children who are also high-level athletes spend many hours at training or competition, it should never be seen- by you or by them- as their entire purpose in life. Schoolwork, friends and family, as well as any other interests they have, must not be forgotten. However important it can sometimes seem, try to remind them that “it’s just sport.”
Even if your son or daughter’s sport is something that may end up becoming a career for them, you must ensure they know that they are a child first, and a sportsperson second. If they truly aren’t enjoying it anymore, is it really worth it?
This article was written by Lauren at Outnumbered By Gymnasts
